Social Media and Divorce: What You Post Can Hurt You
At Carbone Law Firm, we have seen firsthand how the digital world can complicate even the most straightforward divorce proceedings. In today’s age of instant communication, what you post on social media can — and often does — find its way into the courtroom.
Whether you are in the early stages of separation or deep into litigation, it is crucial to understand that your online behavior matters.
Here is what you need to know to protect yourself — and your future — during this challenging time.
How Social Media Impacts Your Divorce Case
In Massachusetts, social media content is routinely accepted as evidence in divorce and custody cases. Posts, comments, direct messages, and even deleted materials can be obtained through discovery or subpoenas. Courts have used social media evidence to:
Question a spouse’s credibility
Examine allegations of hidden income or assets
Evaluate a parent’s fitness in custody disputes
Support claims of infidelity, abuse, or misconduct
For instance, if one spouse claims financial hardship while showcasing lavish purchases or vacations online, it could influence property division, spousal support, or even child support rulings under Massachusetts law.
Specifically, Attorney Carbone worked with an attorney who was able to learn the Defendant’s on-line identity and used it to search various message boards and on-line pages. Under cross-examination, the Defendant was read statements he made on-line; at first the Defendant denied it was him, until his on-line “handle” was revealed, thus implicating the Defendant.
While never routine, having an on-line presence can leave litigants with a very large, very susceptible “blind-spot,” that can and will be used against them.
Common Online Mistakes We See
1. Emotional Venting:
Publicly criticizing your spouse, venting frustrations, or posting angry rants may feel momentarily satisfying, but it can significantly harm your case. Judges value stability and maturity during family disputes. What can be even more difficult is when a litigant publicly criticizes the courts generally or the judge specifically. This can have obvious ramifications as a case unfolds.
2. Publicizing New Relationships:
Dating during a divorce is complicated enough. Flaunting a new relationship on social media can heighten tensions, prolong litigation, and even impact spousal support determinations, depending on the circumstances.
3. Financial Missteps:
Photos or posts about luxury purchases, nightlife, or vacations can contradict claims of financial need — an issue courts in Massachusetts take seriously. This is most difficult when a party has claimed that they are “broke,” or that their ex cannot “get blood for a stone.” While these complaints are typical, they can be catastrophic for the person who claims they are “poor,” but then posts pictures of their trip to exotic and expensive locations. These are traps for the unwary and the courts consider them when awarding alimony or child support.
4. Incriminating Tags or Comments:
Even if you're cautious, friends and family can tag you in posts or photos that may present you in an unfavorable light. It is important to manage and monitor your online presence vigilantly. A major way to fight this is to politely- but firmly - inform people who tag you or forward you these types of messages/posts that you are concerned that your on-line activity is being monitored (you can keep it vague so it sounds like it could be from an employer) and that you are trying to avoid this type of material for the time being.
Digital Best Practices During Divorce
At Carbone Law Firm, we advise all clients going through divorce proceedings to adopt the following digital conduct:
1. Think Before You Post — Every Time:
If you would not want a judge reading your post out loud in court, do not post it. It is that simple.
2. Tighten — but do not Rely Solely On — Privacy Settings:
While increasing your account privacy is smart, it does not guarantee confidentiality. Assume that everything online can become public.
3. Do not Delete Without Legal Advice:
Deleting posts may seem like a quick fix, but it can be seen as destruction of evidence, carrying serious legal repercussions. As a general rule, if you delete posts and messages after the start of a court action, a judge could see this as a party “sanitizing” their on-line activity, and thus they could treat it the same as if you were covering up evidence. Always consult your attorney first.
4. Communicate Thoughtfully:
Treat every text, email, or private message as potential evidence. Keep your communications civil, concise, and free from emotional escalation.
At the same time, do not assume that a court will have the time or inclination to read the texts as you believe they read. As an example, Attorney Carbone is a Guardian ad Litem for the courts to investigate custody issues. Attorney Carbone will routinely get stacks of text messages from one party who believes that the text messages show that the other party is acting or saying unreasonable things. First of all, having anyone sift through months or years of text messages to find the two or three that you believe show the opposing side in a negative light is not an efficient use of anyone’s time. Secondly, however, usually when Attorney Carbone has finished reviewing such documents he is generally left with the thought that both parties have contributed to the breakdown in communication and/or general incivility between them. While this is not to say such evidence does not have any value, it is rarely as cut and dry as a party hopes.
5. Consider a Social Media Break:
One of the most effective strategies is simply taking a hiatus from social media until your divorce is finalized. Focus on real-world healing and rebuilding.
Protect Your Future With Smart Online Conduct
At Carbone Law Firm, we understand that divorce is one of life's most stressful transitions. After twenty-four years serving families throughout Massachusetts, one truth remains constant: your behavior — both online and offline — can shape the outcome of your case.
If you have questions about your divorce, or if you're concerned that your or your spouse’s social media presence could impact your legal proceedings, contact our office. We’re here to guide you with clarity, compassion, and twenty-four years of proven experience.
Stay smart. Stay strategic. Protect your future.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
Q: Can my private messages be used against me during divorce proceedings?
A: Yes. Private messages on platforms like Facebook, Instagram, or text messages can be subpoenaed and used as evidence, just like public posts.
Q: Should I delete old posts that could look bad during my divorce?
A: Do not delete anything without first consulting your attorney. Deleting posts can be considered destruction of evidence, which may hurt your case more than the post itself.
Q: What if I change my privacy settings? Will that protect me?
A: Tightening your privacy settings is a good step, but it does not make your posts immune to being uncovered through legal discovery. Always assume anything you post could become public.
Q: Can I post positive updates about my children or life events?
A: While positive posts are less risky, it is still wise to exercise caution. Even well-meaning updates can be twisted in contentious custody or support disputes. When in doubt, do not post.
Q: How long should I stay off social media during my divorce?
A: Ideally, you should limit or avoid social media use until your divorce is fully finalized. Once the court orders are complete, you can gradually resume posting — still using good judgment.
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Serving clients throughout Massachusetts because, Nobody Should Get Divorced Alone.